Graduate student Ms Robin Banks has claimed the world record for the time it has taken her to give up all hope on her PhD.
Ms Banks from Poughkeepsie in New York set the record of four days, three hours and 24.5 minutes earlier today when she threw her hands in the air and screamed “I’m outta here, I can’t deal with this bullshit anymore.”
Ms Banks is only the third graduate student in history to break the five day barrier.
“We are, of course, incredibly disappointed that Ms Banks has chosen to leave”, said a lab spokesperson “I mean, look how intelligent she is. It only took her four days, three hours and 25 minutes to realise all this is bullshit? Right there, that’s real intelligence.”
“We could see from about day two that she was not acting the same as the others. She wasn’t just trotting in and out of our bullshit graduate school classes, listening to health and safety crap. No – she wasn’t having any of this. Boy, was she clever!”
“That such a sharp mind is now lost to science forever make this a really sad day”
The other sub-five day record holders have since gone on to have illustrious careers in a whole variety of famous fast-food joints, where they routinely supervise workers that stayed in the PhD program until completion.