Entire Faculty of Harvard Sentenced To Death After University Drops Two Places In World Rankings

Cambridge MA – President of Harvard, Drew Faust announced today that she has sentenced the entire faculty of Harvard to death, due to the precipitous drop of two places by the university in the QS University rankings that were announced this week.

According to the QS rankings, Harvard now ranks a lowly 4th place among the world’s 16,000 universities.

“I’m absolutely mortified”, said Dr. Faust, when contacted by The Allium yesterday.  “We went down in almost every single arbitrary category that the QS system uses”.

“I couldn’t be more embarrassed if they had all published in PloS One this year.”

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