New York, NY – Donald J. Trump is calling for an immediate ban on all microbiome research “until we can figure out what these guys are up to”.
According to Mr. Trump, there are huge sectors of the microbiome community that have a “great hatred” of American poo.
In an interview earlier today with The Allium Mr. Trump said that surveys had shown that 99% of microbiome researchers have said derogatory things about american poo, while 51% of microbiome researchers believe that American poo needs to change and they want to bring about change in American poo.
“This is unacceptable”, said Mr. Trump. These researchers want to interfere in the American way of poo-ing and we need to understand what they are after.
With tears in his eyes, Mr. Trump concluded “When I become president, we are going to make American poo great once again. When I become president, America will be nothing but poo “.