London, UK: Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Theresa May told The Allium this week that she has had a “sudden and inexplicable” hatred of butterflies, hedgehogs and drug safety trials.
“I don’t know how this happened”, said Mrs May, “but suddenly as the number of enemies in my own party has grown since the UK general election, I felt a surge of hatred for the environment and found myself with no alternative other than to appoint Michael Gove as Secretary for the Environment, or whatever I called it”.
“As I said to Rupert Murdoch this morning, though I definitely didn’t meet him, Gove is such a nice chap, isn’t he?”
“It so funny, isn’t it, how your mind works? As we lost seat, after seat, after seat, after seat last Friday morning, I felt more and more hatred for voles, clean water and squirrels and more and more inclined to bring my arch-enemy Michael Gove into the position where he can oversee their destruction at the altar of Brexit and reduced environmental protection laws”.
Govey, as I like to call him now, is just the same as me in this regard. Strong and stable against the salmon and hedgerows.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go and make an arrangement with my besest friends, the terrorist-linked Democratic Unionist Party”