The National Institutes of Health have confirmed this morning that they are to rename all genes that confer a brown-skin phenotype to “Just Arrest Me” genes.
Earlier this week budding ninth-grader scientist Ahmed Mohamed assembled a digital clock and brought it to school, whereupon he was immediately arrested for possessing the wrong genes. The NIH have now decided that certain versions of these genes need to have a name that reflects how dangerous it is to have these alleles in America today.
A spokesperson for the NIH told The Allium “The genes on their own confer significant advantages in the whole area of photoprotection for the skin, however, due to what is known as “Nature and Nurture”, they become significantly disadvantageous and indeed pathogenic in the presence of an environmental situation known as “American Law Enforcement Officials With An IQ Of 47”.
“Having these alleles in the presence of these morons will significantly increase the likelihood that you will experience a tightening on the skin around the wrists, due in large part to the presence of handcuffs” said the spokesperson.
“We have also seen situations where possessing these genes in the presence of American Law Enforcement Officials With An IQ of 47 has resulted in death or disfigurement”
“Our cell biologists and genomic scientists have confirmed that in certain situations, cells that contain these alleles become a strong attractant for law enforcement bullets.”
“In the future, we hope to rename the genes back to their original names, however, right now it is just too dangerous”