Planet Earth Distraught By Martin Shkreli Arrest

The arrest yesterday, on suspicion of securities fraud of Pharma CEO Martin Shkreli, has done the unthinkable – the entire planet has united in grief for this poor guy.

We will plant a small garden of wild orchids – ISIS

Shkreli made news earlier this year when he introduced an increase in the cost of a life-saving drug, Daraprim, by a mere 5,500%.

In Syria, there was a minute’s silence and all factions in the war observed a spontaneous ceasefire and truce – devastated at the news of what has happened to poor Martin.

ISIS released a statement saying that they were going to plant a small garden of wild delicate orchids for him and sent him a simple message – “Keep your chin up, Martin. Stick it to the man, particularly when the man is an ill patient”.

Secretary General of the United Nations, Ban Ki-Moon on hearing of the arrest, told reporters that his heart was broken and he would never be the same again.

The British government is considering a national day of mourning.

Jennifer Lawrence said she might never be able to act again.

The world is truly united in a way they have rarely been before.

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