Reports in this morning have indicated that Panda bears all over the world are delighted that their individual body parts are completely worthless.
Pandas have been taken off the “endangered” list by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature and are now merely vulnerable.
A Panda spokesperson told The Allium earlier today that there was general relief in Panda communities that their body parts are valued at actual zero. Even in Sterling.
“We are so relieved that our tails are not made of Ivory or that our ears cannot be boiled down to some kind of aphrodisiac tea or something completely freakish like that”, said the spokesperson.
“You can’t even freeze-dry our penises for any perverts to turn into an imagined cure for something or other”
“We have nothing of value and we couldn’t be happier”.