New “Dr Who” Told She Needs Major Research Grant and Paper In Nature If She Wants Tenure

In a leaked document from the BBC, The Allium has acquired documentary proof that the new “Dr. Who”, Jodie Whittaker is expected to obtain a major research grant and a paper in Nature if she is to have any hope to secure tenure.

A spokesperson from the BBC said this is the normal procedure and unfortunately the last 12 incumbents in this position have all failed to meet the requirement.

“We have little choice”, said the spokesperson, “we have a Research Excellence Framework and this affects our funding.  If Dr. Whittaker is unable to secure at least one million pounds or dollars in funding and if she is unable to publish at least one paper in Nature, then she will have failed miserably and we need to move on to the next Dr. Who”.

“We do, of course, pay lip-service to other parts of the job like outreach and social responsibility, but really unless the new Dr. Who brings in cold, hard cash, then she can toddle off to the great Tardis in the sky, for all we care”.

“It doesn’t matter a damn how well she does her job, if she cannot get a publication in the roulette wheel of the Nature review process or if she cannot get a major research grant in the outside-shot, slim-chance, fluke, arena of the grant proposal world, the it doesn’t matter how well she does her job or how many people she helps, she can just get lost and get another job.

“We welcome her to the Dr. Who franchise.”

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