British Prime Minister, David Cameron announced today that he was about to publish his plans for restricting the arrival of foreign science in the UK.
“Britain has experienced an unsustainable flood of foreign science arriving in the country over the past 20 years and I plan to put an end to it”, said Mr. Cameron.
“Right now, we see huge amounts of science trying to come to the UK through the channel tunnel. Ordinarily, we would be more than happy to see this happening, but my government has spent the last five years choking the entire science infrastructure in the UK, so we simply cannot absorb any of this foreign science.”
“We understand that a huge amount of this science is coming from the EU, which is of course, the worst kind of science and the least welcome.”
“In the future, perhaps EU science will be reformed, but unless that happens, it should be abolished.”
“American science is different – we have a special relationship with American science, it’s almost like it is not foreign science at all and it is quite welcome here, as long as it’s not too loud.”