London, England – Former Mayor of London and chief strategist for the campaign to leave the European Union, Boris Johnson has declared that a “Golden Age” of British science is just around the corner. He has confidently predicted that Britain will move to number one in the world in such areas of research as Alchemy, Spontaneous Generation, Phlogiston Theory and the study of Luminiferous Aether.
“Remember, Einstein was an unelected German, and before his unelected European opinion became de rigeur, we had fine British Theory governing physics, in the form of Sir Isaac Newton from Woolsthorpe-by-Colsterworth in Lincolnshire. I want to go back to those days when physics was physics and not some kind of perverted euro-mathematics.”
“Need I mention John Dalton from Cumberland and the indestructible British Atom? Before we joined Europe the British atom could not be subdivided, created or destroyed and now this is no longer the case. Probably the result of some kind of EU directive.”
“Another unacceptable thing is that 84% of the scientific laws in Britain are imposed upon us by the EU, through what they like to call “Peer-Reviewed Publications”.
“If they really were Peers, I would know them!!”
“British scientific laws, made by British Peers for British people. That’s what I want.”
“My vision for the future of British science is that it is a place where a lowly scientist in a flat in south London can become a multimillionaire with little more than a basic knowledge of chemistry, a small bunsen burner and a metal spoon.”
“This is the Britain I want to see.”