Geneva, Switzerland: CERN announced today that they are probably not going to ever top the Higgs Bosun and their best days are now behind them.
“This has come as a bit of a disappointment to us”, said CERN spokesperson Dr. Crystal Bolle “we thought that surely we would find other stuff, but it’s now just not looking likely”.
“The Bosun was the biggie – 4th of July, 2012 was the greatest day of our lives and now we have nothing to look forward to”, said Dr. Bolle “not even the discovery of pentaquarks in 2015 has picked us up”.
“Today we find ourselves in mourning, thinking about our bleak, bleak future”
“Some of our staff are considering careers in journalism. One said he might write a book about neutrons and make it available free of charge”.
“Others are considering careers in systems biology, but nobody wants to talk out loud about this particular option”.