UCLA – Scientists at UCLA today welcomed news that the NIH has awarded them a grant of 700 billion dollars to sequence the fartome.
This fifteen year study will involve thousands of scientists and it aims to understand the functional biology of the fart.
“We believe that 100% of the fart is functional”, said Dr. Francis Collins, Director of the NIH who made the award.
“We just don’t know what the function is, yet, but there is no way that God, I mean science, made it any other way.”
“Everything is functional, everywhere all the time.”
“Additionally, we are going to do some comparative flatulology, where we will look at intra-specific variation in fartomes (within a single species) and some inter-specific variation in fartomes. We will study variation in fartome sequences between Humans, Mice and people from Hull in England.”
Speaking on behalf of the Investigators on the award, Dr. Richard Payne said “We are proud to lead this project from UCLA, after all, who knows more about blowing hot air?”