Scientist Needs Grant Proposal Success To Make Up For Love He Never Got As A Child

In a frank interview today with The Allium, scientist Richard Swett revealed that he craves grant proposal success in order to make up for the love he never got as a child.

“My father was a remote, emotionless man”, said Dr. Swett “and he never showed even a small amount of affection for us from the moment we were born.  He loved his wealth and nothing more.”

“Every year he had financial successes.  Every. Single. Year.”

“My mother ran off with a biochemistry salesman from Boehringer Mannheim when I was two and I didn’t meet her until after I graduated with my third PhD”.

Dr. Swett confirmed that all three PhDs were in biochemistry.

In a particularly poignant moment, Dr. Swett told The Allium that every time he gets turned down for a grant, he curls up in a ball and cries for a week.  Similarly, when Dr. Swett receives an email confirming a grant success, he also curls up in a ball and cries for a week.

“Tomorrow, he starts writing a new grant proposal.


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