NSF to decide all future grant proposals by penalty shoot-out

The National Science Foundation has indicated that their preferred method of deciding all grant funding in the future is by penalty shoot-out.

“We feel that this will be a much less random way of giving out funding”, said Dr. France Cordóva, Director of the NSF.

“We have found that for most of our grants, we have no real idea which one is going to be the one that makes the real discoveries, so in some respects, rather than try to find artificial differences between the grant proposals, we are simply going to opt for the proposal that is the luckier. Penalty shoot-outs seem like the best way to make the decision”.

When The Allium asked what would happen if the two research teams were still level after five penalties each, Dr. Cordóva indicated that she was inclined to think that it would be settled by thumb war.

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