Bethesda, MD – The National Institutes of Health announced today that they had finally crossed the line and rejected their one millionth grant proposal. The rejected proposal was a sure-fire method for curing heart disease and diabetes and would have provided training for 10 post-doctoral fellows and several grad students.
“We have been waiting for this for a long time”, said NIH director Francis Collins, “in fact I have been so excited for the last week that I could barely sleep”.
The party hats, poppers and streamers were broken out in the tall, gray buildings across the Bethesda campus and the sunken-eyed, hollow-cheeked administrators all partied like it was 1999, which is the last time any of them had fun.
“We had not expected to make this milestone for another six months”, said Prof. Collins “but the NIH always delivers – ahead of time and under budget”.