London, UK – The British government today announced its plans following calls to increase the funding base for science in Britain.
The government said it had very, very clear plans and those incredibly plans were to not to increase research funding in any way whatsoever.
“All of this discovery and research – where has it ever gotten us?”, said Prime Minister David Cameron, the philosophy graduate.
“Well, yes, I realise it helped us to land on the moon and it has helped cure cancer and the discovery of microwaves has revolutionised dinnertime for poor people.”
“The fact is, I can’t stand needy people always looking for a state hand-out and every scientist I have ever met seems to me to be like some kind of miserable beggar”.