Australia To Provide Less Research Funding For Women “Because They’re Smaller”

Canberra Oz – The Australian government announced today that in future they will allocate less research funding to female researchers because they are, on average, smaller than men.

“It has been proven scientifically that we are a sexually dimorphic species and the females of the species are, on average, smaller than the males.  On average, they eat less, their clothes are smaller and they have such tiny, tiny feet.  It only makes sense to allocate precious research funds according to size – the taller males simply need more funding”, said government spokesperson, Dr. Bill Loney.

“The worldwide average height for a male human is 172 cm, while for a female it is only 158 cm.  We are using science to make this decision and we are not, as some claim, a complete pack of sexist bastards”

“There has been a lot of chatter on social media recently about the statistically significant difference in success rates for male and female grant proposals in Australia.  There is also a statistically significant difference in the heights of males and females, so Checkmate, Assholes!”

 

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