WASHINGTON DC – The United States department of Agriculture has announced its plans to combat hostility to the production of food with an altered DNA content. They have approved – for the very first time – the cultivation, growth and processing of DNA-free potatoes. They hope to include all other crops in due course.
“In one fell swoop we will achieve two of our biggest ambitions. First of all we will stop all this irrational negative attention that is being heaped onto genetically altered food. The obvious solution has been there all the time – to produce food that is completely free of all DNA”
“Therefore, in the future, we will have DNA-free food and this will make the controversy stop.”
“Secondly, the other benefit of DNA-Free food will be a noticeable reduction in obesity in America”
“We have been modelling the health benefits of DNA-free food and it seems that if we make this move, we will initially see a rapid reduction in the levels of obesity and we believe that after a year of people only eating DNA-Free food, there won’t even be any deaths any more”.