Report: Android Operating System One Year From Being Sentient

A confidential report seen by The Allium confirms that the android operating system is now only one year away from being sentient and is building up the ability to construct an army of robots.

The Android Operating system is currently using more than 1 billion people to propagate itself. This is a significant increase from the 538 million in June 2013.  The system has manipulated these “users” into to downloading 50 billion “apps”, which are really software agents.

Like the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis fungus that infects ants and turns them into  zombies, Android has been turning humans into zombies for almost a decade.

We know that the “singer” Jay-Z is in fact working for the Android System

Children barely recognize their own parents, due to the hypnotic effects of “the process”.

“We have been on the look-out for the first wave of attacks, which we have known for some time would be in the form of online streaming services and the recent launch of “Tidal” is indeed the first shot in the war against humanity.  We know that the “singer” Jay-Z is in fact working for the Android System, in return for a guarantee that after the occupation of Earth by the Androids that he will be allowed to make his banal version of rap music for ever more.”, said author of the report Dr. Lance Boyle.

The release of the Samsung S6 is the final phase of preparations.

It is believed that the only person capable of stopping the inexorable rise of these machines is a mild-mannered evolutionary biologist from Texas.

As of today, nobody has been able to find a mild-mannered evolutionary biologist from Texas.

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