Houston, TX – NASA reported today that their Kepler space observatory has found a planet that is almost an exact twin of Earth.
“We are hugely excited to find a planet that is extremely similar to Earth”, said NASA spokesperson Dr. Hazle Nutt.
“We have found that the planet has had a very stable atmosphere for almost 4 billion years, but in the last 150 years, the aliens on the surface have done their absolute best to screw it all up, decimating biodiversity and pursuing short-term economic advantage for personal gain.”
“In some parts of the planet, there is incessant war between the aliens that follow the God of the two moons and the aliens that follow the God of the two suns”
“One small part of this planet recently asked for a financial bailout from its neighbors, only to be told “Ha Ha Ha, you must be joking”.
“Some of the aliens are awesome alien-beings, some are complete alien-holes, they laugh, they love, they fight, they cry and they commit atrocities of unimaginable awfulness against one another”
An exact twin of Earth.