Laboratory Chemical Reclassified From “Harmful” to “Run For Your Lives”

Watford Illinois – Scientists today have declared that they are to reclassify common lab chemical 4-beta-gamma-gammy-crystalneurophenylsuckamine from the classification “harmful” to its new classification which is “run for your f*****g lives”.

“It turns out that this thing is more toxic than the fallout from Chernobyl mixed with Starbucks coffee…but we didn’t know it”, said toxicology chemist Dr. Randy Lover.

it causes heritable mutations in your long-dead great-great-grandparents…if you even look at it. – Dr. Lover

“We just thought it was a mild irritant, you know, something that might be annoying if it got in your eye.”

“Now that we know a bit more about it, we have found that it causes heritable mutations in your long-dead great-great-grandparents…if you even look at it”.

“We are really sorry about that”, said Dr. Lover, “I guess I should say “oops”.”

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