Daily Mail

British Daily Mail Newspaper Confirms Cancer Is Caused By And Cured By Everything

London, UK – The Daily Mail newspaper has confirmed today that every known thing either causes cancer or it is a simple, but revolutionary cure for cancer.

The newspaper has seconded its best summer intern – Dave – to analyse the data and he has come up with a comprehensive list of the leading causes and cures for cancer.

The three leading causes of cancer turn out to be the European Union, political correctness, and foreign beers.

The three best cures for cancer include Earl Grey tea, the pound, and driving on the left side of the road.

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