Assad appeals to genome sequencing companies to “step back from the brink”

Syria – President of Syria and General Secretary of the Ba’ath Party, Bashar Al Assad appealed for calm today in the ongoing war between genome sequencing companies.

“I appeal to them to step back from the brink, take a quiet moment and consider what they are doing”, said Assad from his bunker in Damascus.

“This stand-off between them, this cold war – what will it achieve?”

“They need to learn to live together, to pool their resources and technologies, to correct those error rates”.

“All I can see is destruction – the mighty Roche army, being defeated by the Illumina resistance, who have already captured the Solexa freedom fighters”.

“Are all those stand-offs at conference display booths really necessary?”

“I weep for humanity when I see this”.

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