Policy

British Universities to Phase Out Students Over The Next Decade

London, UK – Today, the Rt Hon David Willetts MP, the British Minister of State for Universities and Science, announced that over the next decade he will make significant savings in the university sector, mostly by phasing out students. “I have looked into this issue very carefully and found that the most expensive part of running any university was in fact …

Read More »

Radical New plan Will End Global Warming says National Academy of Sciences

Just in: The Allium has acquired a secret letter from the National academy of Sciences to President Obama.

Read More »

Nature Genetics to “Seriously Consider” publishing a non-GWAS paper

London – The premier publication Nature Genetics indicated Friday that it might consider publishing a manuscript that does not involve a Genome-Wide Association Study. This radical move has taken some people in the scientific community by complete surprise and responses to the news have been quite variable. “I don’t want to invoke a slippery-slope argument, or seem like I’m reacting hysterically”, said …

Read More »

US nuclear missile launch team takes course in tiny writing skills

Malmstrom Air Force Base Montana – A team of crack Air Force personnel were signed up on Friday for classes in tiny writing skills. The course, which is being delivered by the Department of Calligraphy at University of Montana is considered to be absolutely essential for progression through the ranks. In a statement issued through General F. Ukup, who is …

Read More »

Spanish government announces cull of scientists

Madrid – Today the Spanish government, alarmed at the misery and suffering of scientists in third level institutions in Spain, have announced that they are to kill several thousand of them in an effort to ameliorate their pain.

Read More »

Breaking: Richard Dawkins planning to set world record for insulting the most religions in 24 hours

In an exclusive for The Allium we can reveal that on the 25th of December, Richard Dawkins plans to break the world record for insulting the most religions in 24 hours. The previous record has been held by Christopher Hitchens who

Read More »