Scientists Discover Two New Kinds Of Bird Poop

Scientists at Stanford University have revealed that they have discovered two new species of bird poop that defy classification.  These are the first new species of poop that have been discovered in thirty five years.

The findings have been reported this week in the journal Nature.

Commenting on the finding, Professor Bill Ding, co-discoverer of the new poos said “I have been waiting all my life for one poop like this to come along and then suddenly and unexpectedly I had two poops”.

“It is truly a privileged position to be in.”

While the findings have been hailed by the bird poop community, there is still the small issue of how to classify these poops and so far, they have eluded classification.

If they think they are going to get their hands on our poop, they need to think again. – Prof Pool

“We haven’t wanted to put out a press release where we say we have discovered a new phylum of poop”, said Professor Seth Pool, co-discoverer of the shining specimens “that would be reckless and impudent.  The bird poop community is very conservative and we are always careful in our statements to the media.  We have no intention of trying to exaggerate our finding – these poops are able to stand on their own two feet.”

“It may be a new phylum or it might just be a very unusual species of an already described genus of poop.”

“We have been plagued by the microbiology community since we made the discovery.  Those guys are just poop-crazy”

“But if they think they are going to get their hands on our poop, they need to think again”, said a defiant Prof Pool.

Whatever the ultimate pronouncement on these two specimens, it is now almost unquestionable that Profs Ding and Pool are going to get the annual “poop paper of the year” award at the annual meeting of North American bird and bat poo societies.

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