Los Angeles – Illumina announced today that their new MiSeq sequencer for the california market is completely Gluten-free, coeliac friendly, was produced organically, is vegan and was allowed to roam freely as a baby sequencer.
“We have recognized for a long time that we were not really doing well in the California market”, said Illumina CEO, Jay Tee Flatley.
“We finally figured out that our sleek design and high-throughput was not really the selling points that appealed to the Californian researcher. We have gone that extra mile now”
“Our next version will come in a variety of friendly colors, such as Green Tea color, Açai, and Quinoa and will also come with its own snapchat app”.
“We are also hoping to modify the body of the machine so you can do a full crossfit workout USING THE SEQUENCER”.
“We are also working on a way to dilute all reagents in coconut water and in the future we hope to produce a new Palaeo-friendly system.”
“We feel this will bring people back from their Hipster MinIon systems.”