Harvard, MA – In response to hysterical demands from the mainstream media (hereafter known as “the media”), who seem to want to know everything about Mr Trump, including whether he is a traitor or spy, a dermatology professor at Harvard confirmed today that President Donald Trump has in fact the thinnest skin of any dictator that has ever lived.
“We have carried out analyses of the skins of Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin and what we believe to be part of the scrotum of Titus Lartius Flavus and we can confirm that Mr. Trump has historically thin skin, even for a typical dictator, who are famously thin-skinned.”
“We found that his skin was, on average, 24.5% (±0.004%) as thick as the skin of a typical, or garden-variety dictator.”
“It is likely that this thin skin is the reason so much of the orangey-ness has leaked out from inside President Trump.”
“We used pulsed ultrasound as our main measurement technique and found that Mr. Trump’s skin is thinnest around the opening in the middle of his head through which the sounds come out.”
“However, there is also very thin skin on his very, very tiny hands and his lesser-known tiny feet.”